Month: October 2015

Leave a comment Posted on current events, lifestyle, real talk

Eccentric Doesn’t Mean Feminine

You know one of the biggest misconceptions in the gay community, especially the Black Gay community, is that if your eccentric or you have color in your hair then you must be feminine or somehow not as masculine as a dude who has muscles, or one solid, low-top hair color. So I don’t understand how that’s actually true. Because if I’m completely honest, there are sooooo many gays who have the “masculine” look in a picture or in physically, but you let them open their mouths and they are as gay and flaming as they come.

See I think once again we’ve been brainwashed by “society” to think that somehow if you have a different look that makes you stand out, you automatically have to be deemed feminine or not masculine enough. If you have pictures that aren’t just of your dick and chest or your ass and chest you aren’t manish enough. You have to either be fully clothed, or flippin the bird in the picture. You gotta be blowing smoke or displaying a gun or gun sign in the general area of your photo. You have to be a dread head or have the low cut with waves all the way through.

I wish someone in this lifestyle can help me understand why in this day in age when are in such an uproar for equality and freedom. When so many Black men who are gay want to be judged based on their content and not who they fucking, why do they still stereotype each other because one doesn’t look like what the world has said for ages must be the look of a masculine man?

Could it be possible that we still suffer from Post Traumatic Slavery Disorder? Damn right I said it. The reality of the situation is that in every cultural dynamic that exists in the black community we seem to preach this idea of a man being hard and niggerish. Having this rough exterior and talking with little respect for their fellow gay men. Why is the community so accepting of a man who sags his pants down to their kneecaps and is tatted up; but the man who is sharply dressed business professional or the eccentric musical stylist or artist is somehow not quite as manly?

I understand why so many black gay men choose to date men who are Puerto Rican or Asian or White or any other ethnic makeup; because they realize how stereotyping and cynical the Black gay community can be. We bitch and moan so much about not being treated fairly and unfair labels being placed on us, but do we ever stop and realize that we do so much damage to ourselves by always wanting to match up to what the hetero world says we should look like to be deemed “masculine”.

Tell me your thoughts America. Lets have this dialogue.

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Are You Dead…

As I continue to grow and experience things in my life, I’m beginning to understand even more just how much death, literal or figurative, can impact your life. When someone you know, especially if they were close to you, dies it makes you stop and think, in most cases. You take some time to reflect upon things that you and that person went through together. You think about what that person was like. You wonder if you will be able to find a friend that special again or did you just possibly lose an angel on Earth to watch over you in heaven.

Death is just that. It is a finality to someone’s life. It is an end of communication. Death is one of the few things that we cannot cheat nor run away from. It is inevitable for all of us on Earth. No one can escape it when your number is called. A lot of times I often wonder if those who die really know that their time is coming to an end. Do they get this sixth sense and feeling that their time is up and what about the young babies and children who die so soon.

The emotions that can come from the body when someone you love and care for dies can sometimes be enough to make you fall into a dark, depressive state. It can make you forget who you are and try to hold on to the person that has gone away to be at peace. And yet for some, those emotions can bring them alive. Make them want to live and experience life in honor of their fallen loved one.

May I also submit to you that while physical death is very difficult, figurative death can be just as debilitating and in fact, more so. How many times have you “killed” someone off in your mind that you thought was going to be around your life for a long time? That friend that you just knew you would friends until the end, only to have life or some issue make that friendship disappear and you have to move on.

How many times have you thought that you had that one person who you were going to love and marry, spend the rest of your life with. Only to have obstacles that derailed that relationship and in order for you to move on you kill them in your mind. When you do these things does apart of you actually die inside as well? Do you get somewhat recreated and altered from the person you were because you’ve had to change parts of you due to the death of a relationship in your life?

When you’re all alone because of either types of death being experienced how do you cope? How do you allow a part of you to die, while allowing something else in you to be born and be free? Does a little part of you die when you’re left alone on special occasions repeatedly and the excuses tend to come up the same? Man I can only wonder if we truly understand what death really means in all aspects.

America, tell me your thoughts.. Do you feel any of these things? Is it something that’s more in your head and heart?

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Race Baiting Is Still Alive

Before I begin let me say that this post will be very biased and extremely opinionated. I don’t care if you disagree with my opinion. In fact, I welcome the debate about this subject and I wish someone would prove me wrong.

Now that I’ve given my disclaimer let me get into the meat of what I really want to say. I have seen the videos of the White police officer physically removing the young black student from the classroom in South Carolina. First, let me say that I don’t agree with the young lady’s behavior. You cannot refuse to leave the classroom when the teacher and subsequent school administrators instruct you to do so. I’ve been a teacher at one point and I know whenever I’ve had to get a student leave my class they do so, and if they didn’t I called school officials.

That notwithstanding, I damn sure don’t agree with a grown ass man physically assaulting a teenager in order to get her out of the classroom. Now from what I understand she was on cell phone and wouldn’t get off the phone. Again, yes, she should have been asked to put the phone away and the teacher has a right to take the phone if she doesn’t want to listen, but again should this white man abuse her to get her out the classroom….NO.

I also heard the clip from the Sheriff who said he was looking at the actions of the officer, even though he feels that there could have been a partial explanation for why he was forceful because she was hitting the officer. If his dumb ass is watching the same video I’m watching, maybe she’s reacting that way because of how physically aggressive he was towards her.

I do think that this situation has no good solutions because the student chose not to be compliant with the instructions of her teacher. And for her to be disobedient towards the administration official was a little worse. I do think however, that the teacher could have done a better job of handling the situation if all she was doing was talking or texting on her phone. I’m certainly trying to see if I can see a situation where if that was a white student where the officer or teacher would have behaved in the manner that they did.

And for that Sheriff to throw in that the officer is/was dating a Black woman is laughable to me. I’m so sick and damn tired of people trying to use the one or two or three Black friends or lovers, past or present, that someone has for validating their beliefs that their actions were not race related. I mean really?? If you counting the number of people then doesn’t that clue yo dumb ass in even more that there could be something to the story.

Either way this story is very disturbing and I’m very much so looking forward to the outcome. To think that the student is currently facing criminal charges as a result of this situation is ignorant and really suspect. Maybe we should continue to pay attention to these types of issues as much as we pay attention to everything else. Students need to be protected too.

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Pride Before the Fall

You know in everything that exists in life I always struggle to understand why so many people have to be so prideful in everything that they  do. Why do men always have to feel like just because someone may be more experienced, have more diversification in their lives that they’re always trying to tell you what to do instead of wanting to help guide someone thru the pit falls of life?

As I’ve had the chance to watch different types of gay men interact with each other, and mostly my own interactions, I have come to realize that a man’s pride is his downfall as much as it’s his strength. I can only imagine what the Black community would be like if instead of rejecting help and not listening to those that came before, they took the information and used to prevent themselves from self destructing. Why can’t it be a situation that older men who date younger men truly want to give their knowledge to their younger lover, while that lover gives vibrance to the older man.

I think the relationship between my pastor and his partner is amazing. You can tell that his partner uses the knowledge and expertise that my pastor has to help him grow and continue to mature in areas where he is weak. And conversely, it’s very clear to see that my pastor’s young partner helps to keep him invigorated and youthful. If we all took that approach that young and old doesn’t have to be for just financial gain maybe we could be a better group of people.

Why is that just because the man is older than his lover, that he can’t learn some things from him pr her too? Why do we always think that just because we have friends or co-workers who are older that they are the only ones capable of giving advice to those who are younger? What I understand is that young people have a perspective. One that is unique and more common now days, is filled with very difficult challenges and in some cases dire situations.

Maybe we need to all stop being so prideful in ourselves and thinking that we are the only ones who have been through something. Maybe we need to realize that when someone is trying to give us information that can be helpful, it’s meant to be just that. It’s not meant to be antagonizing or belittling. How many times has someone you know and have respect for offers advice on something going on in your life and you jump to the defensive end of the stick, solely because your pride says no one can tell you about your story.

Even the greats of our time needed someone to help them get there. Why do we only seem to think that thought or concept applies to those figures talked about in history or seen on tv? When do we come to the light and see that we need someone sometimes to help us manage the obstacles in life? Get out your own damn way and stop fucking thinking that you have all the answers. Because the truth is if you knew every thing, you wouldn’t go through the shit that you do.

#prideful #fall

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Did He Really Say That

I know that I’m a bit behind on this story because I haven’t been able to write, but I want to go back and address Terry Bradshaw’s comments from last week about Greg Hardy of the Dallas Cowboys and his comments that he made about wanting to come out Guns Abalazing in his first game of the season following suspension.

If you don’t know his story, I will not go detail for detail, rather a brief overview and you can read the rest for yourself. When Hardy was a Carolina Panther, he had a domestic abuse charge leveled against him by his ex-girlfriend. She says he got very physical with her and had lots of guns and threw her on top of them. He says that wasn’t the case and was initially found guilty. He appealed for a trial by judge and was found not guilty afterwards, but it was determined that he did something wrong in that case.

The league suspended him 10 games, the appeal reduced it to 4 games and last Sunday was his first game back. Bradshaw, on his Sunday morning football pregame show says that the league should have a policy that would have completely removed Hardy from the league and thinks his comments were disgusting. Now, I have to wonder why all of a sudden this extreme sensitivity is being bandied about in regards to the comments Guns Ablazing, when in Nascar and other sports you hear athletes use that terminology often.

I’m guessing because he had this case out there against him for potential weapons use people think that somehow he doesn’t have the right to use colorful language when he speaks. I think that Bradshaw is an ass and those who were all up in arms in agreement need to seriously look at themselves and stop the holier than thou business.

Let me be clear, I do not support, condone nor have a large tolerance for domestic violence. Whether its man on woman, woman on man, man on man or woman on woman. It has no place and isn’t very respectful at all. What pisses me off is that all these folks in society think that just because someone made a mistake in the past that they somehow don’t have the right to continue to be themselves and make amends for their past transgressions.

God forbid that Bradshaw, who had problems in his life and others make a mistake with their words and people want to vilify them. I bet they would want to be given that grace upon the throne with which they try to sit and ask for them to be allowed to grow and develop, but to also be themselves.

Hey Terry, you’re still making mistakes so next time you want to be righteous, take a look in the mirror and then let me know ok. Mr. Hardy, just be careful and go do what you do my friend. But real talk keep your hands off people, you don’t have that right either.

Just this guys take.

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Damn It..

So I have to say that one of my greatest joys is going to the movies and one of my favorite types of movies to watch is scary movies. I went to go see the final installment of the Paranormal Activity series last night and when I say they got this one right, damn it they had me shook for a minute. I am very happy to see that they ended the series as good as they started the series. I went to see the first Paranormal Activity and must admit that kept my lights on all night long in my house and didn’t go to sleep for hours.

This time around I was a little bit better. I did cut the lights off, eventually, but I didn’t go to sleep for hours and my tv was on all night long. Ha! I know some of you may say, you’re such a big baby and my answer is you damn right. Those movies have a very real life element to them and when you start talking about spirits and demons, you have reached a point of realness for me. I really enjoyed the 3D enhancement of the movie last night too. I can tell you that everyone in my movie theatre had a “OH SHIT”, moment.

But I also have to admit one of the funniest things that happened was this tall, dark skin boy was trying to run back up the steps to his seat, but be cute about it and fell coming up the steps. Man when I tell you it took everything in my soul to keep from crying and laughing in his face as he walked by my seat. Instead, I composed myself and waited until he took his seat and then lost it. Listen, I’m all for looking cute but when you can’t do it without harming yourself, maybe you just shouldn’t do it.

So I would have to say combining the experience of this movie, the great effects, the really good acting, the funny parts mixed with the scary aspects of the movie and the comedy in the movie theatre, I was very pleased with the entire outcome. I’m not going to give too much of a review in this post because I want folks to see it and don’t want to spoil it, but just know that if you like these kinds of movies or the series as a whole, you will definitely enjoy this movie.

Happy watching and let me know what you think or thought about it. A lil dialogue would be fun

Leave a comment Posted on real talk, sports

Why The Public Shouldn’t Be Shocked

You know as I’ve started to catch wind of the events that happened at the University of Louisville with the basketball program, I can’t help but to laugh at how many in the media world seem to be shocked and still a bit outraged that this activity is going on. But my mind has to say are you serious? Like have we not heard for decades about how these institutions do this for their recruits and players alike. There have been parties like this for as long as there has been recruiting in collegiate athletics.

Football players, basketball players and their family and friends have been treated to red carpet, all out love affairs because those sports are the major revenue drivers for most of these Colleges and Universities. You see what you have now is just that technology has made it such that all of these “secret” parties are now recorded and become public knowledge. So I guess you can say that is one of the drawbacks of having instant communication with the click of a button at your disposal.

I am amazed though, to see how many in the “Journalism” world seem to think that this “scandal” is somehow going to sink Rick Pitino at Louisville. If academic scandals and lack of institutional control sentences haven’t killed other big time college coaches at marquee programs, this surely will not doom Pitino. I think that there is such a knee jerk reaction because you hear the words “paid” escorts and those things that suggest impermissible benefits were extended to these recruits and student athletes while enrolled or visiting Louisville.

And then most say how could the coach not know that these parties were taking place. I would say it’s very easy. If he’s concerned with how he’s going to coach his team to a title and who the next big recruit they need to target is, making sure that all of his players and assistants are doing the right things at all times can be forgotten. The duty can be delegated to another coach on the staff and should be done. But, I’m not naïve enough to think that Rick didn’t have any idea at all. He’s the head man so I’m sure he knew something, now just how much remains to be seen.

And before I wrap this post, I would be remiss if I didn’t say why the hell is it every time a scandal breaks the person or persons who have the info get broadcast all over the television like they’re just the heroes or saints. When damnit if it wasn’t for them being complicit in the whole damn thing maybe we never know about this shit. Stop glorifying the person who keeps everything and then squeals. I’m sick of it.

What are your thoughts?

Leave a comment Posted on dating, love, real talk

When Love Doesn’t Seem To Be Enough

In my time away I’ve had the chance to romantically grow and develop into a much better person that I was a year ago. I’ve learned how to adjust to challenging conflicts and different personality types. I’ve learned how to let all the personality I have overflow from my workday into my relationship. All these things I try to do in order to improve the areas I think I regressed in over the years due to all the pain, hurt and strife I experienced in relationships with other Black men.

I’m trying to allow myself to not be the true Alpha Male that really sits inside my body. I try to ease myself back a bit and give the kinder, gentler side of me. I’m trying not to speak out as much as I normally do and attempt to understand the perspective of someone else with all my might. But, that still doesn’t seem to be enough. It seems that showing the love that I am still isn’t enough. It seems that I can never seem to quite get it right. There seems to be this disconnect no matter what alterations I make to how I handle my lover.

Have you ever been in that position where you know that all the hard work that you’re putting in really doesn’t mean much because the person is defeated within themselves, which means that your efforts are defeated until he comes around to getting out of his own way. Why do so many men claim to want that well-rounded man. That man that makes them question themselves at times because he presents that which they’ve always wanted and are never seemingly ready to handle.

Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Love you hard or love you from afar it never seems to be right or enough. Maybe it really is me. That becomes the narrative that I have to pitch to myself. Yes I know that if I talked to any of those close to me about it, they would say that I’m crazy and it’s not really about me; that in reality it still is about the other person because they have to address their own issues and wrestle with their demons.

While that assessment may be true, I think that when you are continuously told that you are too good, or you are exactly what someone wants but they’re not ready for it, you just have to wonder if maybe you are ahead of your time, or if you need to be more selective with who you talk to because the liberalness with which you are selecting isn’t working anymore.

I’m still trying to find the answers to this quagmire and who knows if I will figure it out sooner or later, but the one thing that I do know is that I’m at the point that I’m tired of loving and feeling empty at times on the inside. That to me should never happen when you’re truly loving someone and they love you back.

What do you think?

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The FSU Bias

Now it’s time for me to rail against ESPN for their continued dick sucking of the SEC. Yes I know just about everyone has that opinion that doesn’t support an SEC school, but the reality is there are schools outside of that conference that are awesome and deserve to be ranked higher and given more attention.

How Alabama, who lost at home, is ranked higher than Florida State and other Power 5 teams that are undefeated is really amazing to me. I get it that the whole media universe thinks that they are the best things since slice bread and their conference is the most dynamic on the planet, but when you lose you should fall.

Also, I find it funny this season that ESPN is promoting Clemson like world beaters and when they win games that aren’t really impressive, they are amazing; but when Florida State goes out and destroys Louisville in the second half its a narrow win. I think we can see the narrative coming for this season. If Florida State manages to win all their games and the ACC title game, they will be 13-0. I dare someone to tell me that an undefeated team that beats top 5 Clemson, top 12 Florida and other Power 5 schools, should be left out of the Playoff 4 for a 1 loss team, you would be stupid.

My hope is that ESPN is not penalizing FSU for their Houdini like escapes last season getting all the way through to the Playoffs, by trying to persuade folks to believe that FSU isn’t a really good football team worthy of inclusion should they win all their games. Not to mention Dalvin Cook is like beasting it this year and yes I totally agree that Leonard Fournette of LSU is one of the most dynamic backs that I’ve ever seen in the country, but the truth is that Cook is absolutely right there on the same level as Fournette.

But if you let ESPN tell it, it’s Fournette and then everyone else who’s not even in his league. I really wonder how this will play out of FSU and LSU are both undefeated and these backs have amazing seasons. Will they consider Dalvin seriously or will it just be the coronation of Mr. Fournette this year? Half a season down and still the other half to go. And this is where the money will be made, because both schools have big time matchups coming down the line.

My hope is that these two get to decide it for themselves and not ESPN’s overt nut-hugging of the SEC’s schools.

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To The Empire

I absolutely love Empire and the first season was such an amazing masterpiece. Lee Daniels wrote a superb script, along with the other writers, and it has been absolutely refreshing to see a show about Black folks and the actual real life struggles that encompass the Black community.

As this season is starting to come together I’m glad the Lee and company have gotten back to the authenticity of the show and having amazing storylines filled with drama and action and twist and turns. I have a great appreciation for the dynamics he’s presenting. How much Lucious sees himself in Andre and nobody actually knows it. It now makes so much sense as the show continues to develop.

To see Lucious rule like a king is very intriguing and funny. He often refers to himself a God, but in a times of crisis you see him defy the stereotype portrayed and remembers that his seed is important. I was shocked that the photographer went after the boyfriend and damnit Kelly Roland is doing an amazing job portraying the mentally challenged mother of Lucious.

How this show and series will play out is anyone’s guess but I do love that they address mental issues, homosexuality and homophoebia. There is also the dynamic of the power struggle of the mother and father that want power and control of their families. But you also see how when things are rough they will always come together for the betterment and sake of the family.

All I can say is that I hope people truly understand how ground breaking this show is. Lee Daniels has managed to tackle so many of the issues confronting the Black community. From gangs and drug dealing to family turmoil and traditions, and all things inbetween. Please remember that before this show it was always the happy and pleasant Black families. We finally see the true issues: church, a gay family member, a rebellious son, a strong black woman, a crazy black man. Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone took the time to take the lessons from this show and try to put themselves in the shoes of the characters.

Would our world be better off? Hmmm…. what do you think? Drop your thoughts, I promise I’ll respond