I have been struggling with this concept for quite some time and over the past few weeks I’ve had the opportunity to sit back and think about how to compose this blog. What I have realized is that as much as we, Black Gay Men, love to swear up and down that we are who we are and that we shouldn’t be forced to conform to the norms of society, it’s ironically just what we’ve done. And I know this will step on a few toes but, as anybody who knows me knows, I don’t give a damn.

See we have spent so many years fighting for our equality and our rights to exist independently and separate from the Heterosexual worlds definitions of who we should be, but as we continue to reach those goals, I’m starting to see so much more that we are conforming to just that very ideology we are striving to break free from. .

We love to boast that we don’t want to be defined as masculine or feminine or any of those titles, but as soon as you get on any of the social dating apps, the first thing you get on profiles is they only want…fill in the blank. So immediately my mind starts to wonder, are we just so fuckin’ trained to the “normal” standards that we just can’t break the chains of stereotyping? See here is what I know about that dynamic. I’ve seen more “feminine” men come into their own form of “dominant” roles and become some of the best tops you will ever know.

And conversely, I’ve seen a damn army of supposed “masculine” men become top flight bottoms as well. So I think my point here is instead of worrying about how masculine or feminine someone is, why not be concerned with do they give you what you want. See it appears that middle person has become the lost love and if you blend the lines of masculinity and femininity at all, you are vilified as not being enough of one or the other. And I think that’s very damaging.

Why is it that everyone loves to live at these extreme ends of the pole? Why is it that you have to be all one way or the other? I thought the definition of being gay is that you are a man who likes men. And yes your preference is just that, but correct me if I’m wrong.. If you are fucking an ass or taking some dick, you are exhibiting some sort of feminism no? I mean think about it this way. A straight person is fucking the opposite sex. If you are fucking the same sex why do you have to put yourself in a defined role?

I think what I have enjoyed most about those men who are versatile like myself is that we blend the lines of masculinity and femininity and that to me is the point of living this lifestyle. We aren’t concerned with how deep your voice is or how e-feminit you are. I think those who try to live as just a top or just a bottom who need to have just a Masculine man or Feminine man could learn a thing or two. Who you date does not define your masculinity or femininity, it is truly based upon you and your actions.

Yea I know I’ve said a lot and I know there will be people who disagree with me and that’s fine I welcome the conversation because I think when we push ourselves and break out of traditional customs, we become an even better people. We live this Gay life and we should always be looking for ways to invite uniqueness and individualism, instead of ways to isolate and reject individuals.

#I’m back