Over the past few weeks I’ve been struggling with a very personal issue, very close to my soul. I know that many who’ve read these blogs and have interacted with me throughout my life would say that I’m a very extroverted, eccentric person, who isn’t bashful about telling you how I feel. And while on the whole that is very true, there are times where I feel as though revealing those feelings at times can cause more harm than good.

I have developed into the guy who believes that your actions are worth more than your words. Because in truth, words can be manipulated and twisted but your actions are pretty concrete. I have tended to let my actions speak more that my words when I feel that I’m either unable to speak my thoughts with careful discretion, or I don’t want to cause something that makes me be in my feelings to become a front line story.

What I’ve found is that in doing this, you accomplish your goal. For me it’s to let you know that I’m not really happy with you right now, but it’s not a dagger or a gavel banging situation. I think because I’ve spent so much of my life with a smile on my face and an appearance of always being in control of my feelings and thoughts, that people tend to forget I’m human and entitled to be in my feelings, and subsequently, get out of them without being questioned or chastised.

As hard as I try to always be fair and impartial, I have to state the obvious, which is that I am inherently flawed and wrong at times because I am human and I make mistakes like anyone else. I have feelings that just don’t always go away with the flick of a wand or snap of some fingers. I am more sensitive that folks realize because I don’t let the inner softness always display on my outer core.

I always write in my blogs that I am a complicated melody, and I don’t do it just for show or to borrow lines from an artist I adore. I use those two words because it is a complete definition of who I am and what my beliefs are and the makeup of my life. I challenge anyone to take the time to learn a little about me and who I am and you will probably come away saying the same thing, but I also promise you will know why too.

There are times I feel that change is needed in order to maintain a sense of control over these feelings that float thru my mind and body, but I will freely admit most don’t understand the methods to my madness. I am very thoughtful and careful with these changes, so always know I am always a melody, just complicated in spurts.