I’m constantly reminded of one of the first things my mama told me as I started to learn my way through adulthood, she always said to me that I have to always love myself. I find that to be massively important today as I’ve gone through some life altering events, and some of them not always positive or self reassuring. I have come to learn that if you don’t really have a strong sense of love for yourself, then you cannot truly love anyone else in a tangible way. See there are so many people who think that once they get a man or a woman that they will then be completed and have more love for themselves because someone else loves them.

The reality thou is that if you don’t love yourself and know how to make yourself feel good, then whomever you’re with will never be able to completely satisfy you, nor will be able to completely satisfy anyone else. It is very true that no one can tell you, show you, or teach you how to love yourself. All you can be given is a guide, a road map of sorts, but it is ultimately up to you to make sure that you know what it is to be in love with yourself. This is especially true in the gay life, because so many dudes struggle with their own self love and esteem issues because of all the vitriol and hardship we receive when we decide to come out and live our true selves. The fact of the matter is gay men on the whole struggle with this more than women, because there is still a huge taboo in this country to accept a man and a man, especially in the Black community.

And to me that’s where I have so much more respect for those who have had to learn to love themselves on their own, or with little support from their families, because they truly have an appreciation and understanding of why you must love yourself first because you can love anyone else or before they can love you. I truly believe that when you love yourself you don’t settle for bullshit and fake people. You won’t allow yourself to be called by anything and you’re always mindful of who you are no matter what situation you find yourself in. And yes I will admit that sometimes that is the biggest struggle to not lose sight of who you are.

I have had that struggle before and it was one of the most difficult challenges of my life. Because while I have always been seen as this strong, confident, at times arrogant individual, I too have struggled with my identity and love of myself. And just like everyone else who has had this struggle, I tried to find it in the love of someone else, only to find out that what I attracted was the same kind of person and the relationship was never right. .When you don’t know who you are, you’re prone to leeches who want to try and take advantage of your weakened state.

The power of loving yourself is greater than any other love on the planet. So, if you want to know where I get the confidence from, it comes from within myself; because after all I gotta always make sure to truly love myself.

#Find yourself…